Intrusive Thoughts

May contain triggers

When you suffer with depression there are a lot of scary things which come with the territory. This can be a number of things from not knowing who you are, not trusting the people you love or having the most scary thoughts you know you can’t run away from.

This is something which I can relate to. I have had some scary thoughts throughout my experience with mental health these have been a variety of different things from wanting to hurt myself to different ways of taking my own life. You name it I more than likely have had a thought about it.

One for me which sticks out is when I have been on a train platform and I visioned myself jumping in front of the moving train, this is something which happened a long time ago and has stuck with me. I will never forget this and it seemed as real as both you and me. Something which really struck me was at the time I was with my family and I didn’t understand how these thoughts could attack me while being around those that cared and loved me more than anything.

Sometimes these intrusive thoughts can have such an impact on us they lead us to do things which are unimaginable to others. Something which some of you may be able to relate to is when these thoughts take over and can lead you into horrific circumstances. They can lead to you causing harm to yourself, whether that is self harming or deciding that this is the end. I have been on the end of this many of times and it never gets easier but one thing I have learnt is that when I am able to control these thoughts a lot more I am able to see that this is not something which I want.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you are suffering in silence, a lot of people suffer with these intrusive thoughts and not everyone is the same but some people will be able to understand and provide guidance. You are not ‘crazy’ or alone in this… those who say you are must live a very sheltered life. You are stronger than you may seem and don’t let anyone tell you any different.

This is something which we have to remember and that’s these thoughts can hit us at anytime. Sometimes it can seem as though you are in a dream even though you are wide awake, nothing can prepare you for these and as time goes on they become proof reality. You can sometimes struggle to define reality and ‘fantasy’. I say fantasy as this may not be something which would actually happen but your mind is making you see/think these things.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are having an awaking nightmare or a scary thought then try to do something which will ground you. This could be something as simple as pinching yourself… not too hard as you don’t want to cause harm to yourself. I sometimes find that meditation is a brilliant thing for times like these as there are so many different meditations out there for all different scenarios. I would highly recommend checking out simple habit if this is something which are you interested in giving a try.

But never suffer in silence, if you need someone to reach out to make sure you check out my support contacts page!


So while at work today I have seen the hashtag #GetTheInsideOut flying around. So after looking into this I realised it was to help those suffering with mental health. Straight away I knew I had to be involved as the whole reason I started this blog was to stamp out the stigma which surrounds the illness and this hashtag is working hand in hand with my goal!

Lloyds Bank and Mental Health UK have launched a new TV advertising campaign on Channel 4 to encourage more people to feel comfortable speaking about mental health.

“Too many people living with a mental health problem feel isolated and misunderstood. Yet we all have mental health so the more we talk and listen, the easier it becomes for everyone. This campaign will help get mental health out in the open, where it belongs”

– Brian Dow, Managing Director of Mental Health UK

The adverts feature Lloyds Bank colleagues, members of the public and celebrities – including Professor Green, Jeremy Paxman, Rachel Riley and Alex Brooker – playing a variation of the ‘Who am I?’ sticky-note guessing game, to explore the common misconceptions about living with a non-visible disability using the hashtag #GetTheInsideOut.

There have been a few familiar faces who have taken part already and as a result we can raise the awareness of people suffering with mental health and show this is not something to be ashamed of.  Remember You are not alone!

Lloyds Bank conducted research* with Mental Health UK and found that 67% of people in Britain feel society is more comfortable talking about mental health conditions now compared to 5 years ago. However, 3 in 4 still believe there is a significant stigma attached to people with mental health conditions, and nearly a quarter are still uncomfortable talking about mental health with a friend or family member.

This is something which I do feel very passionate about as I suffered for many years not speaking to anyone as I was ashamed. No one ever understood, I would go to counselling sessions in secret only my closest of friends would know where I have been but I would never really go through the ins and outs. I would just smooth over it like it was nothing.

It wasn’t until February last year when I was taken into hospital that I started to open up to those around me, even then it wasn’t an easy thing to do. It has always been something I have struggled with, people would never understand and even still now this is something which is not understood by lots of people… this is what saddens me, as some don’t even want to be educated and just want to believe that this is someone choosing to be a ‘victim’ this is NOT the case. We all want to be better and don’t want to be known as the girl/boy suffering with mental health!

It took me over 10 years to even speak about my thoughts/mental health and finally I have got the strength to speak aloud and this is all thanks to my mental health nurses at the Radbourne Unit in Derby. The NHS were able to provide me with a lot of support and I couldn’t be more indebted to these women.

Mental health is something which affects most of us at some point in our life and yet we shy away from speaking up. Take some time to speak to someone you care about and open up get those feelings inside out, it is more important than you think! You are not alone and remember that you are important and relevant. I challenge you all to take a selfie with a post it note on your head, with the hashtag #GetTheInsideOut. Then share this on your social media accounts to show your support and help those suffering show that we do care!

If you do take your selfie please tag me, to show how this post has encouraged you to take part!! 

Here is mine!


I look forward to seeing your pictures!