Have you ever felt numb?

This is something most people would look at and think no unless they have had a tooth out or something but I mean emotionally numb and I am sure there are a lot of you who can relate to this.

This has been how I have been feeling now for a while now and it hasn’t been something I have spoken about until the last week or so. I don’t like to admit to people that I am not feeling my ‘normal’ self. I have to say this is something that really strikes a cord with me as I hate feeling nothing… it is for sure worse than feeling extremely emotional.

What do you mean feeling numb?

Feeling numb to me is feeling nothing, no emotion just going on with each day as if each day is just a dream and there is nothing else left to give to world. I am not happy, sad, angry, I have no emotion what so ever. Even to the point you want to cry and feel as though you could cry but there is nothing inside you to give.

Feeling numb takes every part of your identity from you as well as the ability to be a human being, as all human beings and creatures feel pain and have emotion but when you can no longer feel anything it makes you feel as though there is nothing to you. You feel as though you are just a shell walking around.

When people ask you ‘are you ok?’ its not a easy question to answer as you have no idea what you are feeling, feeling lost within your self. It can be so heart breaking when you are looking at your beautiful niece and feeling nothing when she would normally melt your heart and make you feel all warm inside but instead feeling absolutely nothing. It’s hard to understand and then you feel worse as you are just a shell of the person you once was.

What to do if you are feeling numb?

Well there is no right answer for this as it is a hard one. One of the first things I would recommend is speaking out to someone whether this is a friend or a family member or a trained professional.

I would always recommend going to see your doctor, as feeling numb can lead you to harmful behaviour such as self harming and evening debating to take your own life and if this something that you are feeling then please reach out to a trained professional or check out my support contacts page as there are lots of free forms of support available for you.

I have reached out to my doctor and have to say speaking to someone was the best thing I could have done as it made me realise that I am not abnormal and that this is just one side of the horrible illness I suffer. Reaching out to someone close to you or a professional is for sure the first step in recovery. So make sure you reach out to someone near you.

One thing which does help when it comes to feeling numb is definitely going outside and taking in the nature that surrounds you. Going back to the basics can make you feel completely different and this is something which I will always try and do whether this is going for a run or just going for a nice long walk around Elvaston Castle which is not far from me at all. I of course always drag a friend with me. But taking my camera and seeing all that nature has to offer is 100% something which takes me back to the good things.

The world has so much to offer and seeing how beautiful mother nature can make you feel something instead of feeling numb and lifeless.

How long does feeling this way last for?

This can vary from person to person, even from time to time. For me this is something which has gone on for days, weeks or even months. The longer is goes on the worst it becomes as you forget what it is even like to have emotions and you feel like you are not deserving of being a human being as of course being a normal human being is to feel something and share you emotions with people.

But let me tell you… most of the time it does pass and even though you might feel that way again it will pass and you will feel ‘normal’ again. Life is full of the unknown and this is the same with depression even after suffering for years you will always come across something which is the unknown.

*All photos are my own

Italy

If you follow me on Instagram you would know that I have just come back from Italy. I always knew I would love Italy but after visiting I have utterly fallen in love. Me and my friend Samantha went to Verona for a little get away over Easter… it was overdue will all the stress of work and feeling as though life was starting to take control of me, rather than me taking control of life.

Sam had decided to that we should go to Verona and being someone who has always wanted to go to Italy I bit her hand off! It was inexpensive, only costing us around £120 for the 4 days… a bargain I know! Which meant I didn’t to worry too much about the money side of things… a bonus for good old anxiety me.

Verona is one of the most beautiful cities I have ever been to and for saying it had given out rain all weekend, we had glorious sunshine… this was a nice surprise when we arrived! Looking at the city through the sunshine made it more enjoyable as we did have to walk a good 30 minutes to the town centre from where we was stopping.

Going on holiday made all the worries/anxieties disappear for a while… I honestly didn’t think this was possible being someone who gets anxious over the littlest of things. Being able to take in what the world has to offer made my mind clear and see what ‘could be’. There were a few moments of anxiety but we will go into this later, so for now I will share some photos which I took along my trip.









Italy has got to one of the most beautiful places I ever have been to and I will be going back again thats for sure… take me now please! I am having some serious holiday blues! Before going I was told how expensive it was and I have to say I did not think it was too pricey at all. Don’t get me wrong Venice was a bit pricey at times but in Verona the cost for a pizza was around 7/8 Euros and that’s nothing when you think about how much you would pay for a dominos, so I was very impressed.

Recently finding my love for wine again I was very happy to see the price of wine was the same as getting a soft drink, so I thought it would be rude not to have a few glasses while out for dinner in Italy. You really cannot go wrong with a good glass of Rosé.

The 4 days I spent around €200, but this was for everything including a bit of retail shopping, eating out every night… eating my weight in Pizza. Paying for trips to certain places such as Venice and museums, also buying all food and drink for the long weekend. Personally I don’t think I did too bad money wise and it didn’t cost too much at all.




Suffering with mental health the day to day stresses can become all too overwhelming and well going away to Italy was time for me to have some ‘me’ time and “become one” with myself as they say. Italy made me realise that there is more to life than just work and stress. It allowed me to see all the beautiful things the world has to offer. I am so excited to see all the other parts of a planet, there is definitely more to life than you think and seeing the world is definitely showing me this.

Waking up on our third day in Italy I could start to feel the anxiety kicking in and poor Sam had to put up with me, she was good! I felt as though going to Venice on the train was a mammoth of a task and I just had to make sure that I took my medication and had some breathing time to prepare myself for the journey. On the train I could feel myself getting more and more worked up… I knew what I needed to do! Close my eyes and do some breathing exercises. Little did I know that due to the lack of sleep the night before from the anxiety attacks which decided to take me by surprise I fell asleep on the train and before I knew it Sam was waking me telling me we had arrived! Well it sure made the anxiety disappear! Next you know it, we was in Venice eating Pizza… I have learnt I do love a good Italian Pizza!


This photo really does capture my holiday experience



Overall Italy allowed me to take some time away from all the day to day anxieties and really gave me time to focus on me. It did make coming home a lot harder than I originally thought. Going away has really given me the chance to see how good life can be and has for sure given me so many reasons to see why life is worth living.

For those of you who are suffering you are not alone and there is so much in live for you live for, don’t let things get you down. Remember if this was any other illness yo would speak out so let’s stamp out the stigma and join me on my road to recovery.

*All photos are my own