Intrusive Thoughts

May contain triggers

When you suffer with depression there are a lot of scary things which come with the territory. This can be a number of things from not knowing who you are, not trusting the people you love or having the most scary thoughts you know you can’t run away from.

This is something which I can relate to. I have had some scary thoughts throughout my experience with mental health these have been a variety of different things from wanting to hurt myself to different ways of taking my own life. You name it I more than likely have had a thought about it.

One for me which sticks out is when I have been on a train platform and I visioned myself jumping in front of the moving train, this is something which happened a long time ago and has stuck with me. I will never forget this and it seemed as real as both you and me. Something which really struck me was at the time I was with my family and I didn’t understand how these thoughts could attack me while being around those that cared and loved me more than anything.

Sometimes these intrusive thoughts can have such an impact on us they lead us to do things which are unimaginable to others. Something which some of you may be able to relate to is when these thoughts take over and can lead you into horrific circumstances. They can lead to you causing harm to yourself, whether that is self harming or deciding that this is the end. I have been on the end of this many of times and it never gets easier but one thing I have learnt is that when I am able to control these thoughts a lot more I am able to see that this is not something which I want.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you are suffering in silence, a lot of people suffer with these intrusive thoughts and not everyone is the same but some people will be able to understand and provide guidance. You are not ‘crazy’ or alone in this… those who say you are must live a very sheltered life. You are stronger than you may seem and don’t let anyone tell you any different.

This is something which we have to remember and that’s these thoughts can hit us at anytime. Sometimes it can seem as though you are in a dream even though you are wide awake, nothing can prepare you for these and as time goes on they become proof reality. You can sometimes struggle to define reality and ‘fantasy’. I say fantasy as this may not be something which would actually happen but your mind is making you see/think these things.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are having an awaking nightmare or a scary thought then try to do something which will ground you. This could be something as simple as pinching yourself… not too hard as you don’t want to cause harm to yourself. I sometimes find that meditation is a brilliant thing for times like these as there are so many different meditations out there for all different scenarios. I would highly recommend checking out simple habit if this is something which are you interested in giving a try.

But never suffer in silence, if you need someone to reach out to make sure you check out my support contacts page!

This Is Me

Everyone has had a song which has made them feel empowered right?

Well recently I came across a song which I am sure you have all heard of… This is me – The greatest Showman soundtrack and this is a song which has really empowered me and allowed me some time to think.

I can hear you some of you thinking… it’s just a song don’t be silly! Well you couldn’t be more wrong. The lyrics really do empower me and allow me to really accept me for me at that moment in time. It does stay with me for a little while just not all day unfortunately.

As soon as the song starts you get the lyrics “I am no stranger of the dark, Hideaway, they say ‘Cause we don’t want you broken parts. I have learned to be ashamed of all my scars. Run away, they say, No one will love you as you are” This is something I can highly relate to being someone who suffers with mental health I have always been embarrassed and never want to mention this to people and I think with the society we do live in there is such a stigma which means that we start to feel that we are ‘damaged goods’. I find it hard to mention to new people that I am someone who does suffer. As times go on we become good at hiding away and being on our own with our troubles and this should never be the case. It is far too dangerous for our health to hideaway from in the dark, but that’s what it is it all dark and we need to try and bring some light into that space. This can be done by speaking to someone and helping bring you out of the dark space.

The first part of the song I think a lot of us suffering can relate to. We shouldn’t be the ones hiding, as we should never be ashamed of our troubles. We all go through hard times and this does not make us weak, if anything we are stronger for actually speaking out and talking to someone about these issues. Remember, you are a lot stronger than you believe, you are loved and someone will accept you for who you are.

 We all have broken parts, it might be that some people don’t seem to have any broken parts but I can tell you now most us have ‘broken parts’ it is part of being a human being. People just don’t like to show them to us as they feel ashamed, just like we can be about our mental health.

This song has so many depths to it. As the song goes on it shows are we should be proud of all of our ‘damaged’ parts. The lyrics just speak for themselves “I wont let them break me down to dust, I know that there’s a place for us for we are glorious. When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown ’em out. I am brave. I am bruised. I am who I am meant to be. This is me!

This song encourages us to be proud of every single part of us. If you are having a moment where you’re doubting yourself or feeling a little late then make sure you go and have a moment to listen to this song, as you are in charge of your own happiness and if you don’t believe in yourself then how can you expect anyone else to believe in you. Mental health can strip you of your identity if you let it, don’t let it, it is just a little part of you but it is not who you are!

This songs reminds you to celebrate all the little things that make you, YOU!

Speak Soon