Have you ever felt numb?

This is something most people would look at and think no unless they have had a tooth out or something but I mean emotionally numb and I am sure there are a lot of you who can relate to this.

This has been how I have been feeling now for a while now and it hasn’t been something I have spoken about until the last week or so. I don’t like to admit to people that I am not feeling my ‘normal’ self. I have to say this is something that really strikes a cord with me as I hate feeling nothing… it is for sure worse than feeling extremely emotional.

What do you mean feeling numb?

Feeling numb to me is feeling nothing, no emotion just going on with each day as if each day is just a dream and there is nothing else left to give to world. I am not happy, sad, angry, I have no emotion what so ever. Even to the point you want to cry and feel as though you could cry but there is nothing inside you to give.

Feeling numb takes every part of your identity from you as well as the ability to be a human being, as all human beings and creatures feel pain and have emotion but when you can no longer feel anything it makes you feel as though there is nothing to you. You feel as though you are just a shell walking around.

When people ask you ‘are you ok?’ its not a easy question to answer as you have no idea what you are feeling, feeling lost within your self. It can be so heart breaking when you are looking at your beautiful niece and feeling nothing when she would normally melt your heart and make you feel all warm inside but instead feeling absolutely nothing. It’s hard to understand and then you feel worse as you are just a shell of the person you once was.

What to do if you are feeling numb?

Well there is no right answer for this as it is a hard one. One of the first things I would recommend is speaking out to someone whether this is a friend or a family member or a trained professional.

I would always recommend going to see your doctor, as feeling numb can lead you to harmful behaviour such as self harming and evening debating to take your own life and if this something that you are feeling then please reach out to a trained professional or check out my support contacts page as there are lots of free forms of support available for you.

I have reached out to my doctor and have to say speaking to someone was the best thing I could have done as it made me realise that I am not abnormal and that this is just one side of the horrible illness I suffer. Reaching out to someone close to you or a professional is for sure the first step in recovery. So make sure you reach out to someone near you.

One thing which does help when it comes to feeling numb is definitely going outside and taking in the nature that surrounds you. Going back to the basics can make you feel completely different and this is something which I will always try and do whether this is going for a run or just going for a nice long walk around Elvaston Castle which is not far from me at all. I of course always drag a friend with me. But taking my camera and seeing all that nature has to offer is 100% something which takes me back to the good things.

The world has so much to offer and seeing how beautiful mother nature can make you feel something instead of feeling numb and lifeless.

How long does feeling this way last for?

This can vary from person to person, even from time to time. For me this is something which has gone on for days, weeks or even months. The longer is goes on the worst it becomes as you forget what it is even like to have emotions and you feel like you are not deserving of being a human being as of course being a normal human being is to feel something and share you emotions with people.

But let me tell you… most of the time it does pass and even though you might feel that way again it will pass and you will feel ‘normal’ again. Life is full of the unknown and this is the same with depression even after suffering for years you will always come across something which is the unknown.

*All photos are my own

This Is Me

Everyone has had a song which has made them feel empowered right?

Well recently I came across a song which I am sure you have all heard of… This is me – The greatest Showman soundtrack and this is a song which has really empowered me and allowed me some time to think.

I can hear you some of you thinking… it’s just a song don’t be silly! Well you couldn’t be more wrong. The lyrics really do empower me and allow me to really accept me for me at that moment in time. It does stay with me for a little while just not all day unfortunately.

As soon as the song starts you get the lyrics “I am no stranger of the dark, Hideaway, they say ‘Cause we don’t want you broken parts. I have learned to be ashamed of all my scars. Run away, they say, No one will love you as you are” This is something I can highly relate to being someone who suffers with mental health I have always been embarrassed and never want to mention this to people and I think with the society we do live in there is such a stigma which means that we start to feel that we are ‘damaged goods’. I find it hard to mention to new people that I am someone who does suffer. As times go on we become good at hiding away and being on our own with our troubles and this should never be the case. It is far too dangerous for our health to hideaway from in the dark, but that’s what it is it all dark and we need to try and bring some light into that space. This can be done by speaking to someone and helping bring you out of the dark space.

The first part of the song I think a lot of us suffering can relate to. We shouldn’t be the ones hiding, as we should never be ashamed of our troubles. We all go through hard times and this does not make us weak, if anything we are stronger for actually speaking out and talking to someone about these issues. Remember, you are a lot stronger than you believe, you are loved and someone will accept you for who you are.

 We all have broken parts, it might be that some people don’t seem to have any broken parts but I can tell you now most us have ‘broken parts’ it is part of being a human being. People just don’t like to show them to us as they feel ashamed, just like we can be about our mental health.

This song has so many depths to it. As the song goes on it shows are we should be proud of all of our ‘damaged’ parts. The lyrics just speak for themselves “I wont let them break me down to dust, I know that there’s a place for us for we are glorious. When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown ’em out. I am brave. I am bruised. I am who I am meant to be. This is me!

This song encourages us to be proud of every single part of us. If you are having a moment where you’re doubting yourself or feeling a little late then make sure you go and have a moment to listen to this song, as you are in charge of your own happiness and if you don’t believe in yourself then how can you expect anyone else to believe in you. Mental health can strip you of your identity if you let it, don’t let it, it is just a little part of you but it is not who you are!

This songs reminds you to celebrate all the little things that make you, YOU!

Speak Soon