With 2019 over and the start of 2020 it’s left me reflecting on what the last 12 months has taught me and how to take away the positives. As we are all aware not all lessons which we learn are good situations and it can be hard to find the silver lining. I know this year I have been all or nothing with my social media platforms and my blog but you will see there has been a lot of lessons for me.
You Can’t Trust Everyone
As much as I like to see the good in people this doesn’t mean that they are good and trustworthy. I have come to realise that unfortunately not everyone has good intentions whether this is relationships or just friends. I have unfortunately had to learn some very hard lessons. We all like to think speaking to someone in confidence will stay that way but this is not always the case.
This has allowed me to evaluate my relationships and really start to think who I want to be surrounded with. As when I am having bad days I want to be surrounded with those who mean the world to me, not people who are not who they seem to be. I might not have 100s of friends but I have those who really matter… I know I can not only trust them but count on them. Some people can be very fake yet seem so real!
Hard Work Pays Off
For those of you who aren’t aware a lot has happened this year in the terms of diagnosis and therapy. So from meeting with my CPN, therapist and doctor I have realised that there is a lot of hard work I need to put in before things really start improving. There will be lots of different therapies which are coming my way in 2020 but, this isn’t going to happen if I don’t put the work in.
Realising this has also lead me to realise that even though I have a long way to go it has helped me realise how far I have come. As I like to put it I am on my road to recovery but I’m not there yet.
I have a lot of personal development over the next few years, it might seem odd to some people but I do not know who I am as a person. I for sure don’t know what I want or where I want to be in the next 3 months let alone the next 5 years. There have been a lot of times over the past year where I have become a person who I don’t like and there have been plenty of times where I have been very embarrassed.
I am going to challenge myself every day and hopefully become a person who I can be proud of. There have been a lot of times where I have been so ashamed of decisions I have made or just not liked the person I am. So I want to start to see where this road of recovery can lead me and hopefully it is a destination I like.
It’s Ok to Have ‘Me’ Time
I can hear some of you now… ‘Obviously’. But for me this is something I have always struggled with, being able to say no to people and put myself first. But this is something I have got better at over the past 2 months or so. I have been able to head out on my own and take some photos with my camera. I have enjoyed it so much I am already looking at new camera’s as mine is a bit out dated.
Other than taking photos I have been able to throw myself into crocheting and knitting… yes this is normally something older ladies do but I don’t care as this is something I enjoy and allows me to focus on something other than the intrusive thoughts. So even though it is not a ‘cool’ thing to be doing, I am happy to be spending my evenings sat in bed knitting away and maybe if your lucky enough I might show you some of my creations but this is not something which is ready to be shown.
Is there anything you have learnt over 2019? Is there anything you are looking forward to for 2020?
*All Photos are my own