May contain triggers
When you suffer with depression there are a lot of scary things which come with the territory. This can be a number of things from not knowing who you are, not trusting the people you love or having the most scary thoughts you know you can’t run away from.
This is something which I can relate to. I have had some scary thoughts throughout my experience with mental health these have been a variety of different things from wanting to hurt myself to different ways of taking my own life. You name it I more than likely have had a thought about it.
One for me which sticks out is when I have been on a train platform and I visioned myself jumping in front of the moving train, this is something which happened a long time ago and has stuck with me. I will never forget this and it seemed as real as both you and me. Something which really struck me was at the time I was with my family and I didn’t understand how these thoughts could attack me while being around those that cared and loved me more than anything.
Sometimes these intrusive thoughts can have such an impact on us they lead us to do things which are unimaginable to others. Something which some of you may be able to relate to is when these thoughts take over and can lead you into horrific circumstances. They can lead to you causing harm to yourself, whether that is self harming or deciding that this is the end. I have been on the end of this many of times and it never gets easier but one thing I have learnt is that when I am able to control these thoughts a lot more I am able to see that this is not something which I want.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you are suffering in silence, a lot of people suffer with these intrusive thoughts and not everyone is the same but some people will be able to understand and provide guidance. You are not ‘crazy’ or alone in this… those who say you are must live a very sheltered life. You are stronger than you may seem and don’t let anyone tell you any different.
This is something which we have to remember and that’s these thoughts can hit us at anytime. Sometimes it can seem as though you are in a dream even though you are wide awake, nothing can prepare you for these and as time goes on they become proof reality. You can sometimes struggle to define reality and ‘fantasy’. I say fantasy as this may not be something which would actually happen but your mind is making you see/think these things.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are having an awaking nightmare or a scary thought then try to do something which will ground you. This could be something as simple as pinching yourself… not too hard as you don’t want to cause harm to yourself. I sometimes find that meditation is a brilliant thing for times like these as there are so many different meditations out there for all different scenarios. I would highly recommend checking out simple habit if this is something which are you interested in giving a try.
But never suffer in silence, if you need someone to reach out to make sure you check out my support contacts page!