Hope you all had a lovely weekend!
Over the weekend I had planned to go out for afternoon tea with a friend of mine who I have known for years. We had lost contact but this past year we got back in touch through blogging! Blogging definitely brings people together.
Samantha has her own blog so make sure you go check it out Written by S J Smith.
As you all know by now I suffer with anxiety pretty terrible so as you can imagine before I was thinking of all worse case scenarios. I had even thought about making an excuse as to why I couldn’t go as the thought of seeing school friends from over 10 years was too much to bear. All sorts was running through my head;
- What if they wouldn’t like me?
- What if we have nothing in common?
- What happens if no-one speaks to me?
- I will be such a sore thumb in the situation
- Do I have to go?
- What happens if they judge me?
The list goes on. I just didn’t know if I could put myself through the afternoon of sitting with people I didn’t know anymore. It won’t be the same, after 10 years no-one will want to have anything to do with me anymore.
As much as I didn’t want to go, I knew that this was something which I had to do as it was Samantha’s birthday and I had already agreed to go. I couldn’t let her down, she had been so good to me and was such a good friend. I couldn’t be the one to let her down on her birthday.
The night before I decided to go to bed early and rest up as it would mean that I would maybe feel better about it tomorrow… I won’t lie, I didn’t!
On the Day
So on the Saturday of the vintage afternoon tea I decided to get up and just get in the shower and get ready. The busier I kept myself the more likely I would just go, as I wouldn’t have time to think about it. It worked well, until it came to putting the address in my phone to make my way there. More and more thoughts came rushing into my head;
- What if I get lost?
- What happens if I am the last one there?
- I hope I have got the time right
- Everyone will just stare at me when I walk in
- People will be wondering why I have even gone!
But I just got into my car and made my way there. I then ended up going and guess what? I didn’t get lost and I wasn’t the last person to turn up, in was in fact one of the first… well 5th but it is better than 10th! I got out the car and said Hello like some normal person. However, deep down I was shaking so much my legs felt like jelly. I felt as though all eyes were on me, I began to feel like an exhibit at the zoo! However, they were so nice and welcoming, they hadn’t change a bit.
Once we got to the table things were a little quiet on my behalf but after around 20 minutes it was like it was years ago. Joking, laughing and of a little bit of reminiscing as catching up with friends, always means going through old memories. One thing I had realised was that life was so easy back then, just school work being the biggest of our issues. There is one thing that I began to realise and that’s why did I ever lose touch with these girls? They are such genuine people and well these are the kind of people I like to be surrounded with.
While at the Afternoon Tea I also met a girl called Jemma from Australia and she was so easy to get along with. So it ended up being 5 of us laughing and joking into late afternoon, we had even gone to the pub for a cheeky drink.
This weekend has taught me that even though I suffer with anxiety it is definitely something which shouldn’t stop me doing the things which I love. I just need to be able to tackle the anxiety and worries head on. I need to stop whittling about things which shouldn’t be an issue.
Life is something which you can never be to sure about. You should take each day as it comes and challenge yourself. When you overcome a challenge make sure that treat yourself as this is something which is draining. I have never felt so exhausted after fighting my anxiety throughout a day, I may look calm on the outside but the inside is a completely different story. There are a few ways in which I can combat the anxiety, don’t get me wrong it doesn’t work every time but for if it works once in a blue moon it is all worth it in the end.
I try to battle my anxieties through;
- Keeping myself busy
- Writing down my feelings
- Listening to music
- Sometimes I try to nap… however, this doesn’t happen most of the time
- Bite my nails… bad habit I know!
- Concentrate on something else, so this could be painting my nails, writing a blog post etc.