Well this is something that a friend of mine asked me and it really got me thinking… what does recovery mean to me? This is a tough one as there is so much that it means to me and so I am going to break this down a little bit else it will be a rambling mess!
This has to be one of the first things I talk about as it is very challenging to recover if you don’t have the best sleep and well frankly I have always struggled with sleep whether it’s too much or too little and being iron deficient/anaemic does not help the situation! But being able to get a decent night sleep is a big part of the recovery process for me.
This is a tough one! Part of my recovery is to find who I am and I suppose my identity. I know there will be people thinking I am silly not knowing who I am but it is for sure something which still this day I don’t really know who I am and don’t think I have done for a long period of time! Its frustrating and upsetting as how can you not even know who you are yourself. Recovery is all about ‘finding myself’!
If you didn’t already know my mum passed away when I was very young and well this has left me a bit of a situation… hence the blog! A massive part of recovery is me being able to cope with my mother’s death and understanding that I may never fully accept this! Which is very hard due to acceptance being part of the grieving process… nothing is ever as easy as it seems! 16 years later and I am still not able to accept. So be able to cope better is a big part of the whole recovery process and hopefully I will get there one day.
I have to include this one as I believe this is one a lot of you will agree me or understand maybe. Recovery for me is all about enjoying my life and doing the things which I love, overcoming the obstacles. Living a life which is worth living, not just taking each day as it comes and wishing the weeks away just so I have time to focus on other people. I seem to never want to deal with my own problems and take on other people’s… so bring on some time for Vanessa and enjoy the life I deserve.
I can imagine some of you find this a little bit funny but for me I use to wear makeup to work and enjoy getting up in the morning to do it and take pride in the way I look but this is something which isn’t so easy to do anymore. It is getting better as I am finally wearing it on the odd weekends. Wearing makeup was a sign of me taking pride in the way I presented myself and making sure I looked decent, but now I am just a shell of that person and I want to be able to be that girl again… but a better version of me!
So I recently put a post all about self care this is something which I find is what recovery means to me, as if I don’t want to look after myself then I am not enjoying my life/myself and I see this as a part of giving up which is something I don’t like to see in myself and this is something which is easier said than done. I want to do more things for me such as going for a walk, caring about what I put into my body, not having to force myself to shower. If I can crack this I know I will be on the right tracks!
People who know me very well will be thinking ‘YES‘. I am always worrying about the little things in life, which in reality I cannot control. I want to be able to get on with my day and not have to fight every moment to do something as simple as going to work or going to see my friends. Overcoming this as part of my recovery would make me feel like a new woman and will feel incredible. But this is not just one thing which needs to be ‘fixed’ there are so many little things which come with it!
All of these things are such big parts of my recovery and this is something which I am working so hard to achieve and it might seem like little things to some people but this is such a big challenge to be faced and broken down.
What I would love to know is what does recovery mean to you? I have provided a contact form below so please share your comments. If you are not happy for me to share on the blog please mention and this will not be published!