From the outside people just see the happy smiley me, when deep down inside I am crying and fighting the thoughts which most people who don’t suffer with mental illness would not even comprehend.
For me this is a normal day for me getting up having to force myself to get out bed and face the world with my ‘mask’. No-one would ever know whats really going on inside me. I am always worrying about what is just around the corner, having to be prepared for the next disaster. My body on red alert waiting for the next thing to turn my life upside down, and as soon as I start to think maybe things will be ok! It hits me like a sack of shit… sorry for the language!
You can’t point people out with a mental illness, it’s not like pointing out the sad one. We look just like everyone else and we are all human, we cannot help the fact we suffer with this and it isn’t something any of us would want to choose; it has just become part of us and is something we are trying to figure out each day. Don’t get me wrong some days we do look sad, but don’t we all have those days? I thought so!
Somedays we may be bubbly, happy and joking about but it doesn’t mean we are cured or better. It may be that we are able to keep it under control more that day or actually decided to not let it define us, or for me it could be that I don’t want people to see how upset I really am. No one really truly knows the pain behind someones eyes and you can’t just judge a book by its cover; everyone goes through hard times and has pain at some point in their life. It is just a case that those with mental illness don’t always think of things the same way and this is down to trauma or even just the chemical imbalance in our brains. There are so many things that can have an impact, so don’t judge and think/say “oh their depressed” like it’s nothing, take a moment to think what it is like to have a constant battles with yourself every day? What it’s like to hate yourself so much that you don’t see the point anymore? What it’s like to have to hide how you truly feel to those you care about most? What is like to just get through life and not actually live it?
I am sure if you really take this into consideration you will actually start to understand the strain this can have on someone and for them to even get dressed and put a smile on is a big thing, trust me it can feel as though you’ve walked about 100 miles and that’s before leaving the house!
There are so many people in the UK alone who are suffering in silence or just feel as though no one understands this is something which I find hard to take in, as there is so many people going through this and this is when we need people most. I am determined to help people going through the same thing as since I have made some amazing friends going through situations similar to me, I don’t have to explain as they just get it. I would not be where I am today without them and this is what my blog is all about; it’s bringing people together and making you all realise you are not alone! We can fight this together and help people understand more and of course stamp out the stigma!! …. this is not an easy task but I will do whatever I can do make this more possible.
I want to leave you with a quote which I think most people suffering with mental illness will be able to relate to it. I know this is something I do especially going through the recovery process!